Author Topic: The Funny Side  (Read 59023 times)

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Offline AKPhill

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #495 on: September 05, 2017, 05:00:15 PM »
Angry Navy Chief starts shouting at sailor, but he wasn’t ready for the sailor’s cool reply



The Chief played it off pretty well…

A Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, “Get over here! What’s your name sailor?”

“John,” the new seaman replied.

“Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp nowadays, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as ‘Chief’. Do I make myself clear?”

“Aye, Aye Chief!”

“Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”

The seaman sighed. “Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief.”

“Okay, John, here’s what I want you to do …..”

Offline Rumblecloud

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #496 on: September 06, 2017, 08:34:40 AM »
 :showing-ass: :b0201: :b0201:

Offline Davesheli

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #497 on: September 09, 2017, 07:21:03 AM »
 :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201:

Offline AKPhill

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #498 on: December 16, 2017, 05:33:52 AM »

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, “Its dark in here.”

The man says, “Yes, it is.”

Boy ~ “I have a baseball.”

Man ~ “That’s nice.”

Boy ~ “Want to buy it?”

Man ~ “No, thanks.”

Boy ~ “My dad’s outside.”

Man ~ “OK, how much?”

Boy ~ “$250?

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy ~ “Its dark in here.”

Man ~ “Yes, it is.”

Boy ~ “I have a baseball glove.”

The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

Boy ~ “$750?

Man ~ “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.”

The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

Boy ~ “$1,000?

The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that…that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”

The priest says, “Don’t start that crap again.”

Offline Rumblecloud

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #499 on: December 19, 2017, 12:49:34 PM »
 :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :showing-ass: :b0209:

Offline Davesheli

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #500 on: December 20, 2017, 09:42:31 AM »
 :b0230: :b0230: :b0230: :b0230: :b0230: :b0230:

Offline AKPhill

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #501 on: January 08, 2018, 02:10:55 PM »


An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“Okay,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don’t know crap?”

And then she went back to reading her book.

Offline Rumblecloud

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #502 on: January 09, 2018, 09:06:38 AM »
 :b0201: :t2981:

That was good clean funny. I can even tell that one in Church.

Offline Davesheli

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #503 on: January 09, 2018, 09:08:33 AM »
 :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201:

I emailed that one to the wifey......  :t2030: :t2030:


Keep em coming Phill...... :t2981:


 :coolguy:

Offline AKPhill

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #504 on: January 10, 2018, 12:32:31 AM »

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.
What a nice feeling, he thought. Men restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.
"What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.
"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."
"MEN NEVER LISTEN"

Offline Davesheli

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #505 on: January 10, 2018, 05:05:45 AM »
 :face-slap: :face-slap: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :showing-ass:

An oldy but goody one..... Thanks for sharing Phill....  :t2030: :t2030:



 :coolguy:

Offline tntrcnutz

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #506 on: January 15, 2018, 09:05:08 AM »
I just had to since the wifey is half Irish


IF FLYING R.C. WAS ILLEGAL... HER AND I WOULD BE CAREER CRIMINALS

Offline Davesheli

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #507 on: January 15, 2018, 09:20:22 AM »
 :face-slap: :face-slap: :face-slap: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201: :b0201:

Offline Rumblecloud

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #508 on: January 15, 2018, 09:28:08 AM »
thank god for that.  :b0201: :b0201:

Offline Rumblecloud

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Re: The Funny Side
« Reply #509 on: February 26, 2018, 09:29:07 AM »
Sex and Golf...kind of.

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to first year medical students.
 
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.
 
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
 
 
She replied, 'Probably golfing with his buddies.’

 

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